There are many emotions associated with having MS
When first diagnosed with MS, I was in not necessarily denial but, ” Are you kidding me?” attitude. And then more I do not have time for this. I have things I want to accomplish and do in my life, this will be in the way. I have come to now find out that statement is not true.
There was then the pitty or “poor you” looks by people when the word got out that I was diagnosed with MS. But most amazingly there was the love, care and concern from people that was so sweet and overwhelming. I mean overwhelming in the nicest way. I never realized how much love and care was out there from so many people. Words can not express how grateful I am for all of the care, concern, and prayers for my health.
I then felt like no one understood what I was going through. I was 23 years old wanting to lead a normal young in my 20’s life. My life was just altered and I adapted to it, I had no choice. When many of my friends were going through their life wondering what they were doing on weekends, I was making decisions of what treatment do I go on to not be in a wheelchair one day. Really put things into perspective earlier than others. And I am grateful for that, crazy as it may sound. I am.
I did go through a time of being mad about having the disease. You would not be human if you did not go through all the emotions of a change in life. I think it is almost a good thing to get mad and then get your fight back. It puts more power and determination when you get mad to then get better and start fighting. And fighting hard. So when you do feel mad, go through it, and get your fight on when you can, the sooner the better.
Emotions of being scared to death occur not just at the beginning of diagnosis but the whole way through. I am scared probably every day hoping and praying the disease does not take a turn or get worse. I pray that my health stays where it is and that I can be guided to the life I am set to have. I am scared now to not be an able mom one day. It is my goal to be the most able mom that I can be to my daughters. You better believe I will do anything and everything to be just that for them. I am scared to tell them one day, “Mommy has a disease called MS.” I do not want them scared or see me weak. But I know I will have to have this conversation one day whether I want to or not. And it will be okay. I am fighting for them!
I have felt the most incredible sense of gratitude through my diagnosis of MS. I have so many wonderful and amazing people in my life who support me and the cause of fighting MS. It shows in the Fundraisers I have and all the people who come to them and support the cause. It also shows in my team members of Marci’s Stampede at the MS WALK’s. I am shown the thoughtfulness of every person who has just even asked how I am. Those three simple words of ” How are you?” mean so much more than anyone knows. A simple sign of concern is just amazing. I am also grateful for my doctors and nurses who have helped me along the way. I am grateful that this disease has still allowed me to accomplish all my life goals, even if they have to be altered in some ways. I am still living out my life, and loving it!
